It's The Little Things

This here’s Stretch Coyote talkin’ at ya.

Sure, hunger, disease and war seem pretty dang important, but there’s a bumper crop of little things what drives me loco.

How about them guys on the freeway who climb right on your fanny even though you're already goin’ 80 miles per hour? And when they finally get a chance to pass you up, they swerve into the next lane like a busload of nuns late to a Billy Graham concert, cuttin’ off some poor-slob commuter who slams on the brakes and spills his scalding cup a’ joe on his personal nether regions.

Or how about dog barkin’? There's a whole bunch a’ crazy canines out there what wake up my neighborhood just cuz they wanna be the first to pee on my grass and make a deposit on my flowerbeds.

And aint you ever had one a’ them waitresses who keeps askin’ you all through dinner if everything’s OK? You're sittin’ there with your mouth full of Yankee pot roast when she comes out a’ nowhere askin’: "How does everything taste?" as if you could do anything else but shake your jowls in mock appreciation.

Then by the time dinner is done you can't get your check cuz now the waitress has disappeared. She’s out in back of the restaurant on her marijuana break, getting so high she don’t realize a half hour has gone by.

Meanwhile, you’re listenin’ to the "Theme From Shaft" playin’ through a little speaker in the ceiling while other restaurant employees skillfully avoid comin’ within cannon range of your table.

I could go on.

~ Stretch Illustration by John Sherffius
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